White Feather
by Eligrl77
Summary: Bella had convinced herself at a young age she had found the one. She had convinced herself for so long that Edward was worth giving up being human. However, with time and an unexpected visitor to the Cullen house, she is starting to her question herself. Can undo all that has been done and return a mortal? Can she get out of the Cullen family alive?
1. Introduction

I had been living every day, just like the day before. I thought that this would be forever. I am technically ninety years old. I should be in a nursing home or already passed. I have had to bury Charlie, Mom, and everyone I knew who wasn't a vampire. My daughter Renesmee was now living in Anchorage, Alaska with her husband Jacob, my Grandson William and his wife Daisy. I had become truly alone, stuck in what I chose to do when I was nineteen. I made the most irresponsible mistake of my life: to become a vampires just like my husband Edward. I didn't choose to become one, it was either that or death. Edward would have never let me die. We were ready to be together for thousands of years to come with no regrets of what I had done. Overtime however, that all was changed suddenly. Everything I had come to believe in would break down around me. Everyone I had trusted since my time with Edward turned their backs on me. I was ready to undo the past. It took one person to do so. It took only one person to give me the feeling I never thought I would ever have: Doubt.


	2. Chapter 1

It all started with a phone call. Carlisle was very excited about two upcoming visitors. Back when Carlisle was a doctor in the Afghanistan war, he met an Englishmen named John Watson. Over the years he told us, they kept correspondence through email. John was now living in London, working with a consulting detective named Sherlock Holmes. They thought they would like a change of scenery. Carlisle had invited them to come to Forks and spend time with him. Half of our immortal group groaned with displeasure.

"Why do they have to come here?" Jasper growled. "You know my inability to control myself around people not like us."

"Don't you worry Jasper," Carlisle reassured him. "You can stay with your contacts till they are done visiting. They will only be here for two weeks everyone. That is not a very long time," Jasper grinned. Alice saw something within the distance that caused her to almost seem out of breath. She appeared wide eyed, as if seeing something terrible was going to come upon us.

"Alice, what do you see right now?" Carlisle asked her. She turned to look at me.

"I need to speak to Bella alone," said Alison taking my hand into another room.

"Is she in danger?" Edward asked, as he still held an iron grip around my right arm.

"You never understand Edward. I only see the choices she is going to make. I never can see which one she decides," Alice explained once more to the impatient Edward before letting me go. We went upstairs and went into her room and she closed and locked the door.

"I didn't want to have to explain this in front of everyone," she tried to compose herself. I had the feeling this maybe about John and Sherlock's visit but I wasn't sure.

"This has to do with our upcoming visitors. I know of your great, undying love of Edward Bella. However I see a vision of you. One that is in love with someone else and leaving us," Alice calmly explained. "This is a dangerous vision Bella."

I sat on Alice's never used bed speechless. Why on earth would I be thinking about ever leaving Edward? He was the love of my whole life. Why on earth would I drop everything for practically a stranger? They were human! Wouldn't my gut instincts tell me to feed on them instead? I was troubled and deeply confused by Alice's revelation.

"I am not going to the others yet Bella," she reassured me. "I only see your choices. I don't see the end result. However, if what I see does happen I will have no choice but to tell the others. Nobody can just walk away from the Cullen family," she spoke seriously to me now. Her words frightened me by the way she said nobody. She hugged me and her cold body wrapped around me. She laid a kiss on my left cheek.

"I know you do what is best Bella, but understand the consequences entirely this time," she warned me as she quietly closed the door behind me. My body relaxed on her bed for some time. It was a strange feeling as I only used a bed for lovemaking purposes. I had not slept a wink since I was nineteen and carrying my dearest Renesmee. My last sleep had been when I was believed to be dead. I was reliving my old life over and over again. It was like a film that was stuck on repeat. When I awoke, I had red eyes, could run faster than a speeding bullet, and could make shields to protect others. I had to learn fast how to cope with all my new powers. 


	3. Chapter 2

I had to learn even more was how truly protective Edward and his pack were over me. I never left the house alone. There was always that possibility we would be found out again. The house became more and more like a richly furbished prison. The times I could be alone, I would curse myself for what I had done. I knew God's forgiveness would be beyond my reach. I had to chosen to become something inhuman. It tortured me for years. Thankfully even after all these years, Edward could not read my mind. That always assured me. We had a feeding shortly after our "meeting." I would have liked to have just lied in Alice's bed a little longer, but my instincts craved for blood. We set out into our usual teams into the woods to track animals down. I always had to go with Edward. We never had a problem finding animals. We would be out there for a few hours, opening our jaws to attack our prey. After all these years, I too had learned to control myself around humans. We made sure only to feed before morning or dead at night to avoid any contact. By the time I was usually done, my mouth, chin would be covered in blood. My shirts would usually be blood ridden also. It was always a dirty job. "You look beautiful," Edward would hold my hand and kiss me as we walked back to the house. We could run if we wanted to, but I didn't feel like showing off anymore. "Thanks," I tried to smile at him as he continued his hold on me. "What did Alice tell you during our meeting?" Edward looked into my eyes, trying to sense what was going on. "Alice and I were… talking about the dresses we were going to wear to the Cullen ball," I lied through my teeth. "Oh that's nice," Edward lost interest in the subject. Instead of heading back to Carlisle's place, we headed back to "our" house. The one the Cullen family built for us when we had Renesmee. It had gone through a ton of remodels since then to look updated. Keeping everything basic was our motto. No one would ever be able to tell how long we have been living. I had really tried to make the best of living forever. Edward opened the bronze doors as I shuffled off to my bathroom. I turned the handles of my marble bath tub. It filled slowly with warm water as I ripped off my blood soaked clothing. I assured myself I wouldn't have to feed again for another few days. The whole act itself made me feel inhuman. I closed my eyes and I meditated out the window, where we had a perfect vision of the mountains. The water turned itself off once the bath was full. I sighed as I stepped in the tub and lowered my head. The blood left my skin as it always did, discoloring the pure water along with the soap. Once my private purge was done and over it, I was in the master bedroom again. Edward was engrossed in some Ernest Hemingway novel. Of course it was a first edition. The Cullen family together had the most first editions of anyone in our library. He concentrated on his book while I changed into some sweats and a pink tank top. I sat in bed and scrolled through BBC News on my iphone when Edward closed his book. "Are you worried about Carlisle's friends visiting?" Edward asked as he put his hand on my leg. "Of course not, you know I'm better than I was when I was a newborn," I said defensively. "You seem cranky a lot for some reason," Edward analyzed. "Define how long I have been cranky first." "I would say the last year or two," he sighed as he rubbed his eyes. "What is bothering you?" "Nothing is Edward. I get a little bored in my routine sometimes. Aren't I allowed to be?" We didn't speak anymore after that. When the night came I just laid on my side of the bed. I wished I could sleep again. It was always the same. Edward would read, we would argue about something trivial, and then not speak for a couple of hours. Since I couldn't sleep, I developed something called a mind palace. I would pick a different person, place, or thing to think about. Being with my father was always one of them. Eating food would be another. I would imagine myself walking on a quiet beach by myself. When I was feeling particularly depressed, I would think about when I jumped off the cliff. I had truly wanted to die and thinking about it made me sorry I didn't. 


	4. Chapter 3

The day quickly came for our arrived guests. As I suspected Carlisle to do, he booked them at one of the most luxurious hotels near us. There would be no way they would survive the visit with all of us here. As soon as dawn approached, work began to get the house ready for guests. Endless amounts of caterers, florists, and other workers were in and out constantly. The ballroom was shining with all the gold. Having all these humans made me still nervous after all these years. I was especially nervous about our guests, considering Alice's grim prediction. We both hung out for much of the day getting ready. We girls still loved a good time despite what life had given us. I ended up in a short blue dress with diamonds encrusted around it. Edward always liked blue on me to begin with. I found thick black high heels to complete the look. My hair decorated in curls and with a flowery hair band to match. The murmurs of voices from downstairs grew and grew it seemed. I could sense a thousand heartbeats, the amount of blood. Did I always have to be this thirsty, all the time? I was so sure when I was a newborn I could control my lust for human blood. Within these moments however, it would simply just backfire. Many deep breaths later, I felt I was ready to go downstairs and face everyone. To my relief, no one really noticed me. So many people consumed with eating, drinking, conversation. Light classical music played in the background. I awkwardly made my way downstairs, excusing myself as I looked to find my husband. There he was, looking so perfect. I quickly became distracted when I noticed who Carlisle and Esme were speaking to. I had never heard of him talking about his time in Afghanistan before. I quickly assumed this was our guests for the next two weeks and made a point to come near. He quickly noticed my presence and made it a point to introduce me. "This is Bella Cullen, my son Edward's wife. This is Dr. John Watson and his friend Mr. Sherlock Holmes," he proudly spoke. Dr. Watson seemed like a nice fellow. I smiled when I noticed the ring on his finger. He must have a lovely wife. However, when my gaze directed upon Sherlock Holmes it was like electricity bolting through my system. I noticed every detail about him. His green eyes bore into my soul. His black curly hair glistened in the lights. His ravishing purple shirt with a few buttons undone. I blushed as I shook his cold, icy hands. I couldn't stop staring at him for what seemed like an eternity. Edward had spoken to me once about how he came to know I was the one for him. He said he felt like he knew my face before. He said my blood was the sweetest he had ever smelled. He had to literally stop himself from wanting to feed on me; he was so much in love with me. So much in love, he simply wanted to consume me. Well, this was something I was now feeling with Sherlock Holmes and I had no clue why. We had never met before this night. I was so confused by how I was feeling, I couldn't speak. His blood was intoxicating my mind. It was heavenly, sheer ecstasy. The smell of every sweet flower ever created in one. I would have marked him as mine that moment if no one had been around. I had thought Edward had been the most gorgeous man I had ever met. I was ready to take that statement back in an instant. God how I wanted him right then and there. I honestly don't know how I stood there like an idiot, eyes wide and speechless. The conversation had already rolled on without me. That was fine however. I wanted to talk to him alone so terribly. I could live without Alice and her eyes widening in a frightful manner, reading my thoughts. At least Edward and no one else could. The exchange of war stories and inside jokes steam rolled on. I learned more about what they did for a living. Chasing criminals in heart of London sounded amazing. I slowly came to learn through John how eccentric Sherlock was. Playing violin at all hours of the night and collecting body parts for experiments. He could almost fit the criteria of being a vampire already. What would he think of immortality? Their life there sounded amazing. My mind imagined the possibilities and I was standing there, like a love struck thirteen year old girl. I was so thankful Edward was talking to other people. I however sensed his jealousy though. He constantly stared at us. An interrogation could come later. I didn't care. Esme shot me a side look of confusion at me once in a while. She was probably thinking at the time why on earth was I acting this way. I didn't even really notice the party was slowly ending out. Dr. Watson was slightly tipsy by then. We all laughed how it would probably be a good idea for them to go back to Redwood Tree, where they were staying not too far away. I couldn't help but smile as Sherlock took my hand again and bid me good night. Another thing I fell in love with, his voice. It made me think of rose petals and the growl of a tiger. Soft and luxurious, I could have melted on the floor. My heart grew heavy as they left, knowing the reality of what I would be faced with when everyone had gone. I could almost hear Alice yelling at me already. She couldn't do anything because I hadn't acted. Carlisle and Esme said nothing of the situation, as many other people were having their attention. I was relived deeply about that also. Once our guests took to their chauffeur, I didn't see much reason to stick around. Edward was so engrossed talking to girls who couldn't have been as old as me when I met him. It grossed me out as I took the stairs to take off this dress and these shoes. No one else said anything to me that night. 


	5. Chapter 4

The next morning, Edward was rather chatty talking about the people he spoke to. Not once did he ask anything about what I had said to Sherlock or Dr. Watson. Edward let me know of the baseball game they were going to be having at noon. Sherlock and Dr. Watson would be there as well. I told him I wasn't interested in playing. After ninety years of playing the same sport, I grew tired of it. He wasn't too concerned about my feelings on it. He simply just didn't care. I made extra effort to look nicer than I normally do. I rarely ever did anymore, for anyone. I found my nicest pair of jeans and floral top in my closet. I got a new wardrobe every year. I got comfortable with never wearing the same outfit twice. My old human self would have called me selfish. When you live with a family like the Cullen's, you are forced to keep up with the times. In that way, no one can figure out who you really are. I stood in front of the mirror, proud of my effort. With an added affect of red lipstick, I thought I looked good. Edward smiled, kissed me, and said nothing. Silence was becoming a common trait in our long relationship. What can you tell someone that's new after ninety years? I was finding it was absolutely nothing. At noon we left in Edward's jaguar for a short ride to the Cullen baseball field. The others were in their baseball wear. Rosalie was particularly chatty with Dr. Watson. Not surprising as she always was drop dead gorgeous. She was showing him how to hit the ball with a bat, with some hilarious results. She could charm the pants off of anyone. She hated me in the beginning of my relationship with Edward. Ninety years had softened it, but I still feel it remain. Alice must have said something to her. Her glare at me was dark. My attitude and emotions changed once I saw Sherlock sitting in the stands. I greeted him in a higher pitch tone than I expected to. Blushing again and hearing that quenching heart beat of this. I was so glad Edward was playing in the field today. Dr. Watson was still following Rosalie around, so this would be my perfect chance to have a conversation with him. He was staring at me rather intently. "I uh… enjoyed our conversation last night about your consulting detective work. I didn't get to ask how long you have been involved with doing that." I asked nervously. He probably sensed it. Fuck. "I have ever since I got out of Uni," he spoke in deep thought. "I never felt like I belonged and when I could carve out a niche for myself, it was freeing," he slightly smiled. He slightly leaned me to me. "I have never met anyone with black eyes before," he said in a slight whisper that to me was crystal clear. "I know because you are wearing contacts. The black can be visible at times," his eyes lowered on the rest of me. "Your heartbeat is rather bizarre as well." "I guess I can take that as a… compliment?" I chuckled slightly. "You are very good at the science of deduction." "You must not wear your wedding ring much, do you?" he asked. He was right. I couldn't respond. Sensing my hesitancy, he quickly changed the subject. He asked me some questions regarding Carlisle. There was much he didn't know and wanted to know. I kept plenty of details to myself. That bastard probably knew it already I was giving him half truths. The game progressed and Rosalie's flirting with Dr. Watson was getting slightly on my nerves. The man was married and she was too for heaven sakes! He was having a great time out there learning about baseball. We didn't even notice when the dark clouds came and starting to pour rain down on us. Everyone else ran quickly to get cover in the house. I slowed my pace to follow Sherlock back. I tried speaking over the roar of the downpour. "You are right about my relationship with Edward. It's not that great…" the rain drenching my hair and clothes. I stuck to basic human relationship issues such as not communicating and marrying young. He listened to me all the way back into the house where we were all drying off. I had the honor of wrapping him in a towel. Touching him was turning me on so much. It was all so wrong to be feeling this way. He was very appreciative of my tending to him. The storm still raged on as they were picked up to go back to the inn. As soon as they left, Rosalie and Emmett got into an argument. He didn't appreciate her flirtation skills being used on Dr. Watson. She justified it, adding he was kind of cute. They went back and forth with harsh words, till Carlisle told them to behave themselves. The drive back to our house was in awkward silence. I was pretty sure Edward picked up on the fact I had no interest watching them on the field. Even after I took a nice hot shower, I still wasn't tired yet. I remembered something I did as a favor for Carlisle years ago. It had something to do with the digital archives of not only the entire family history but the history of the Volturi and digitization of the books written by members of the Volturi. I thought I still had the information lying around. I found my laptop and started from there. 


	6. Chapter 5

It was not easy to find how vampirism could be cured. Most of the information on the database was simply how to become one, survive being one, and not be recognized as one. Plus it included all the boring, boring history. Edward wasn't paying attention and I was grateful. He was too entranced, stuck in some novel from his previous human life. I was ready to give up my laptop away for the night, when I found what I was quietly looking for. I checked first to make sure Edward wasn't paying attention. I then, without hesitation opened the old document, dated from the 15th century in Italian reading "Come curare vampirismo." My lessons of learning Italian from Carlisle had proved worthy for once. It took me what felt like hours to read. The instructions were as followed. I would have to find a barkeeper within my town. I would then find the person I needed to help me complete my task. I would need to fill something about a black soul gem. I would need to trap a human soul and kill them. I would then have to take the body back to the person to complete the ritual. This left me more confused than anything. Where on earth would I find anything like this? Who on earth could I find who wasn't a vampire already, already in the Volturi know about this? I was left with way more questions than answers. I quietly shut my laptop and thought deeply about this. Would I be able to do this? Could I do this? Kill a person for the sheer purpose of being mortal again? And get away, in one piece? Or would I have to die a permanent death to achieve the happiness I truly needed? I thought of all of these things as the comets passed over head. My favorite activity as a non human became to watch the stars. So much so, Edward cut out the wall of our bedroom ceiling so I could watch from the comfort of my room. I knew almost every constellation. I knew even all of the silly stories behind them. The moon was full and the night so clear. I thought about Sherlock in these moments now. Planning silently for my eventual escape. The next morning Carlisle told us we would be taking Sherlock and Dr. Watson on our yacht and invited us along. One of Edward's more silly presents to our daughter. It had sat on the dock for ages, unused. We called our yacht Nessie. I dreaded the thought of being in a boat with some of them again. Especially Alice and Rosalie. I breathed a sigh of relief when Carisle called again to let us know Alice wanted to feed more, so she would spend her day in the woods. Edward was keen to entertain our guests well, since we never had many who stuck around. I sure wouldn't, knowing what my fate would have been. We met up with Sherlock and Dr. Watson at the yacht. Edward bragging how this was a custom yacht built for our daughter. _"Ugh, he had to mention we had kids too," _I thought to myself. The boat was cleaned and ready for our excursion. The white was sheer blinding in the sun. Dr. Watson, Carlisle, and Rosalie made their way to where the captain's area. Sherlock and I found the leather sofa and armchairs in the adjoining room. "Not much of water person too, aren't you?" I tried to make small conversation with him. He however paid no attention to me. His hands were faced together toward his lips, in an unspoken prayer. His eyes were closed. He was leaning back on the arm sofa. I was afraid I had said or done the wrong thing. "I need to be in my mind palace right now. I can't speak to you right now," was all he said. What on heavens was a mind palace anyway? I didn't bother to probe more into it and left him where he was. Dr. Watson, knowing our small exchange told me he did that regularly. "Of course he has to be there on a holiday," his companion rolled his eyes about it. We soon became distracted with trying to catch big fish and be entertaining. We didn't catch much of anything, but John's stories proved to be a lovely distraction. We spent a few hours out on the water. I had convinced myself that I had either bored Sherlock to death or he didn't want to be here. I kept that thought as we arrived back to the dock late afternoon. John was giving him a verbal tongue lashing at not being more social with us. I waited on the dock as Sherlock got off. His piercing eyes stared at me in wonderment and fright. He whispered to be in a harsh tone. "Why do you have fangs?" almost in a sexual whisper. Was he really asking what I thought he should be asking? I stared back biting my quivering lip. This would be mean many bad things for us. I would be punished for telling him. He would be punished for even guessing what we all were. My mind raced to find something to answer that thought. That maybe he was a fool and imagining it all. I knew however Sherlock to be the smartest human I ever met. I could not fool such a man. He guessed right. Before he could say anything more, I asked Carlisle if I could show Sherlock around the grounds. He and Edward gave me permission, only that I was to avoid the woods. I didn't pay heed and I took Sherlock's hand. As we separated to go on our separate ways, I saw their harsh glares. I was suspicious now. 


	7. Chapter 6

"Get on," I motioned Sherlock to my motorcycle. "I would've bought an extra helmet with me if I knew I was doing this. You can have mine," as I gave him my bright green and black helmet. "You're going to take me somewhere different are you?" he said in a matter of fact tone. It was true. I started up the engine as soon as he adjusted his helmet. He was fast to putting his skinny long arms around my waist. I revved up my engine and it was like we were flying. Every now and then I heard him telling me to slow down. Now it was my turn to ignore him. Having his hands around me was electricity to my soul. I could feel his hot breath on the back of my neck. I could hear the blood pumping into his veins. I had a difficult time not wanting to close my eyes and imagine more. It was only a ten mile ride, but for him it probably felt like an eternity. He didn't trust me yet, I knew it. We finally got to the forest near the stretch of the Cullen estate was. I cut the engine. I put my motorcycle to the side "So how did you figure it out then? Do you know how much trouble I would be in if they knew you figured us all out?" I snapped. He looked dead into my eyes and spoke bravado like.

**"**I know you're a vampire and you are originally from Arizona. I know you've got no siblings who are worried about you, so you won't go to anyone for help because you don't approve of it—possibly because all your family is long since dead, more likely you have had this secret to keep. And I know that your Edward doesn't think you love him anymore, quite correctly I'm afraid. You have been attracted to me the moment you met me. All the times I have touched you, your pupils dilate red and your heartbeat increases tremendously. That's enough to be going on with, don't you think?" He said in what seemed like one cohesive sentence.

I started to cry, not being able to keep my emotions about it to myself. What was I suppose to say? I was scared to death but at the same time… relieved. I took a deep breath and calmly explained everything in a nut shell. Meeting Edward in high school, beloved Jacob and his family, Carlisle's real life story, Victoria, Lemont, the birth of Renesmee, the ideas that I thought immortality would bring me. I could have cried rivers thinking about all of these things. It was because I couldn't confide in anyone, about who I was. There was no sense of peace and contentment.

"You told me they call you freak back at Scotland Yard. I _am_ a real freak Sherlock. I traded a normal life to be someone's play thing," I babbled on and he intently listened, his gaze never leaving me. I couldn't lie to him like I have been able to for so many other humans. My light blue long sleeve shirt was stained from my tears. I was about to walk near him, when I heard a sound I only knew someone could make: Alice.

My fight or flight instincts kicked in. I yelled for Sherlock to get on my back. He looked positively confused at what I was asking him. There was no time for an explanation. I quickly took his long legs and as he tightly held on to my neck, I ran as fast as I could. I heard that day probably every British curse word ever made. Alice was on my tail and even though I couldn't see her, I knew her presence was around. She was hungry. I got tired after a while of carrying around a very scared and Sherlock. I could feel his body shaking as I put him down. As I felt Alice in the far distance, I did something I hadn't done since Renesmee was a child. I wrapped Sherlock and myself in my bright shield of protection. Alice caught up and hissed loudly, her fangs already covered in blood.

"Nice to see you too Bella," she looked down at me. "I had a feeling you would do this and you know what? I am always right about the future. I just thought you were a real vampire. I admired you. Now you want to turn your whole back on us!" she hissed once more, kicking my orb with her foot. There would be no way she could get through it.

"I had to become a vampire because I was going to die if not, idiot! I bet you didn't see me use my shield against _you _now did I?" I replied back.

"Let me have Sherlock Bella. Then we can forget this entire little manner. He gets to be food, and no one has to know the little booboo you made. I'd even let you share..."

"Go fuck yourself Alice. As long as I am here, you aren't touching even the hair of anyone I care about. There are enough deer in this forest for you to feed on."

"Ah, so soon to switch sides? So soon to leave my brother after you promised him eternal love! You are about to make the biggest mistake of your entire life. All I need is to make one call to the Volturi. They will destroy you, Sherlock and his… blogger too. Permanent death will be calling if you choose this path. Everyone will be so unhappy when I tell them this news. Is this…human worth losing everything you worked for Bella?"

"Edward's not even your real brother. You liked him eons and eons before I did. You know why? because you are psychotic bitch who wants control. That is why you got the power to read minds. You did because you thought you had the answers to everything. Guess what Miss Cleo? You can have him all to yourself for eternity now. You never liked me to begin with, in case you have lost your memory," I verbally steamrolled her over. "You hated me because I took your man away. God forbid, he fell in love with someone who wasn't a waste of being saved by Carlisle," I took off my large wedding ring and threw it in her face. I would've said more had Sherlock not been standing near me. A weird sense of independence came over. I couldn't help but smile as I said all of these things.

Alice was quiet for some time before she spoke again.

"Very well Bella. You have spoken. Don't even think about going back to the house. You might as well be departed. You and Sherlock will be dead soon thanks to your stupid actions. All of us will be coming after you Bella, even Edward. He will especially have fun with mister detective over there. I can hear him being shred to pieces now," she sarcastically laughed.

"I'm not afraid of you, the rest of the Cullens, and the Volturi. I have survived you all before. I will do it again. I will be gaining my humanity back and you will still be stuck being not Edward's wife," I spat right back at her. We eyed each other down for quite a while before she spoke again.

"You are wasting my time. I am going back to feeding. Shame, I would have loved to have had some of his blood. He should be lucky I can't read his mind. This is war Isabella Marie Swan," she grimaced and ran in the opposite direction at the speed of light. I almost collapsed from having the shield up as long as I had to.


End file.
